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Now how many words could I use to describe you? Yet you were only able to come up with fat, ugly, and cunt. Now how original are we getting?



Stop calling, leave me alone, stop faking your way threw life, and please leave me out of whatever mind games you feel like placing everyone threw at the moment.



You're still a child, and you have to be kidding me if you think I will spare you more then this moment on a journal entry you shallow, worthless, son of a bitch pig.





Blah... just another random day treatment moment.





Who's the one faking now, Joey?

I now have the mark of my house.



And it finally gave me that little push I needed, I'm now Sire number 82, not quite as sweet as it was the first time around but its still pretty nice :)

For all of you who have been wondering where I have been on and off for these last few months, here’s a quick summary. In late March I started a new day treatment program with a bunch of kids (I’m the oldest there) who all have anger issues, of course that doesn’t really mix well with me. I’ve never had anger issues and being surrounded by a bunch of screaming teenagers pushes my emotions into a whole different sort of scale.



After a few of the kids got kicked out (one brought a gun to school) things seemed to settle down more. I took on the same role as I always do, peacekeeper… it's almost sickening what these people still fight over. Here’s an example: “I want to sit in front!” “No I want to!” Then it escalates to the two of them going back and forth till someone punches the other one in the face. Lovely ain't it?



To top if off, there’s only three girls in the program including myself. One’s leaving in two days and she’s the only one I have been remotely able to get along with, I’ll be really sad once she’s gone. The other girl is 13, and we really don’t have anything in common. So there’s a boy/girl ratio of 12:3 if this gives you any idea of how shitty its been being surrounded by a bunch of boys who insist on one minute being complete sweethearts, to the next minute calling you a bipolar whore and pulling your hair. Yeah… it’s great!



So on top of losing my best friend in the program, I am also losing the only therapist that I have found helped me at all… its really discouraging. I’ve also been working my ass off getting credits for classes, working basically till midnight then getting up at 5:30 to catch the short bus (yeah… another thing, I have to ride the short bus to school because it’s the only transportation my insurance company will provide.) At school we get these things called breaks, which is basically where everyone goes outside and sits at the picnic bench and smokes cigarettes, I didn’t think I would start smoking ever again but now its almost a given.





I think that’s enough about the program, I’ll fill you in on family life now. In the last two months my father has been in the hospital with phenomena four times, but also because he goes on binges right before then too. Just recently, he had this guy come and live with him and my brothers at their house in Kenosha. He was sleeping in my bedroom can you fucking believe that? Well my dad was smoking crack for two whole days before the ambulance came and took him away at three in the morning because he was unresponsive. Plus my mom and I didn’t find out about it till we called to sing Happy Birthday to him, yeah it was his 54th birthday. During the day my brother found that guy going threw my dads drawers, later it turns out that he stole my dad’s cashcards, his checkbooks, everything. When my dad came back from the hospital he found all this stuff gone and called the cops. But before they showed up he wanted to talk to me. Somehow that old man made me ball like a baby in a matter of two seconds, he said he was going to go into a program. He didn’t say what kind though, cause he could never admit to me that he was doing drugs.



Back to life in Minneapolis, my sister and I have been on cracking ground for a while now. But I finally snapped after I found out she’d hacked my email account and sent me and email calling me a, “big, fat dork.” From my own email account, if you follow what I’m saying. This was right after I had just watched her house and her two stinky puppies, and cleaned her living room and done her dishes and everything. I didn’t even bring it up, she did...she was like so… you got that email? Then she goes on to say I’m overly sensitive, I’m crazy, and I need to talk to my therapist about this. When all I wanted was an apology. Of course my mom didn’t say a damned word in my defense. We didn’t talk for about a week until my dad went back into the hospital and I decided to do the grownup thing and put it behind me. Why should family be fighting when there’s other shit that needs to be done?



My mom and I got approved for public housing finally but it will be another 2-3 months before any two bedrooms open up. God, I really don’t want to wait that long. It feels like the states been saying one more week since before I was even born. My mom has been hopping around jobs, and right now still doesn’t have a job; my SS was taken away this month because I’m now 16 and too old to receive it under President Dickhead’s policies. I have my sister and my mother hounding me to get a job when my mom doesn’t even have one, does that make any sense at all? I was supposed to start Respite care but that’s not looking possible cause mom didn’t ever call her back, and is refusing to let me do it. I think my mom is scared that if I like the lady too much that I might ask her to adopt me, and then who will my mom have… no one. We’ve been fighting a lot about money and what to do with my two older brothers who are stuck in Kenosha. I swear its almost as if I’m the adult most of the time.



It’s getting to the point where I’m stuck, I can’t move any further. It’s almost suffocating just coming home off the highway, I can’t stand that feeling. I almost went to the bank the other day and emptied out my bank account, all I could think of was if I could get a plane ticket somewhere out of here it would be better. Anywhere would be better then here right now.